From our decades of experience working with adolescents and families in therapeutic settings, at Aerie Healthcare, we know very well that parenting a teenager can be challenging. We also know that when you notice signs of self-harm or other concerning mental health symptoms, it can be overwhelming. Mental health can manifest in a number of behaviors and symptoms like substance use, cutting, purging after eating, or worrisome online behaviors. Keeping your child safe is a parent’s number one job, and that can cause a lot of parents to jump into “Fix it Mode'', which can unintentionally push their teen away because they may feel judged, ashamed, embarrassed, or unheard. It can also cause their teen to feel more afraid because their parent is reacting out of fear. Therefore, it is essential to slow down, and approach these situations with sensitivity and empathy (which we know is easier said than done in-the-moment). In this blog, we'll share some tips for parents dealing with teens facing mental health struggles, emphasizing the importance of staying calm, offering support, and taking care of both your teen and yourself.

1. Don't Panic – Stay Calm and Avoid Shaming:

   Discovering that your teenager is struggling with mental health issues can be frightening. However, it's crucial not to panic or react with anger, panic, or shame. Instead, approach the situation with a calm demeanor. Remember, your teen needs understanding and support, not judgment (they are most likely already judging and being critical of themselves!). 

2. Assess Urgency and Offer Care:

   If your teen's safety is at immediate risk, call 911 and go to the Emergency Room. Other crisis resources include calling 988 or texting “HELLO” to 741-741. Other forms of care could include basic first aid, emotional support, or setting up a doctor’s appointment. It may seem counterintuitive, but encourage your teen to manage their own first aid (cleaning and bandaging) vs. you doing it for them. 

3. Be Kind, Curious and Direct:

   Let them know you are there for them without demanding a lengthy conversation. The goal is creating an open line of communication through honesty and direct conversations. In other words, don’t beat around the bush to avoid discomfort or upsetting your child. Direct questions can be helpful, like “I noticed some new cuts on your arm, can you tell me what’s been going on for you?” or “You’ve been wearing long sleeves lately, have you been hurting yourself?”

4. Listen, Don't Punish:

   When your teen is ready to talk, listen without judgment. Mental health symptoms are signals of pain and distress, not your teen misbehaving. Avoid punishing them, as it can worsen their emotional state and hinder the willingness to communicate. Related responses like increasing check-ins or taking razors out of the bathroom are safety precautions, not punishments. 

5. Encourage Therapy and Finding the Right Fit:

   Suggesting therapy is an important step in helping your teen navigate their struggles. Be open to exploring different therapists until you find the right fit. Offer to partner with your teen in this process, which can create a sense of relief and support. Outpatient therapy can be a great first start, and they can direct you to support groups, day treatment programs, or community initiatives. 

6. Pay Attention:

   Understand that self-harm may not always indicate suicidal ideation but rather a coping mechanism for difficult emotions. Regular check-ins, honest conversations about concerns, and discussing safety measures, such as locking up medications or sharp objects, can reduce immediate risks.

7. Be Patient and Focus on Harm Reduction:

   Recovery from mental health struggles can be slow and may involve setbacks. Be compassionate about relapses, understanding that overcoming challenges is a gradual process. Focusing on harm reduction strategies and expressing patience will foster honesty and connection versus expecting your teen to “just stop”. 

8. Take Care of Yourself:

   Supporting a struggling teen can take an emotional toll on parents. Seek your own support system, whether through friends, family, or a therapist. Taking care of your mental health ensures you can be present and supportive for your teen. If you find yourself overwhelmed or in need of advice, don't hesitate to call a crisis line for yourself (see #2). Seeking external support can provide guidance and alleviate stress.

   
   Supporting a teenager dealing with mental health challenges requires patience, understanding, and a collaborative approach. By staying calm, fostering open communication, and seeking professional help, parents can contribute to their teen's well-being. Remember that both you and your teen are not alone in this journey, and seeking support is a courageous step towards healing. 

For more information about self-harm and how to respond, please see the linked resources:

• Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery

• The Psychology of Self-Injury: Exploring Self-Harm & Mental Health Podcast

• Crisis Support

  
  For visual learners, please see this amazing publication by Lindsay Braman, MACP, LMHCA below.